I just had a conversation with a biologist from the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). He is in the PhD program at UCLA. I was over at my friend Josh Beck's apartment and we had dinner with him. I asked him his perspective on Africa, its problems and his ideas on solutions and decided to email you what he said.
Background
Neville has been working in Congo with the NIH (a US institution) on Monkeypox, an emerging disease with the potential to become as deadly as Smallpox. His advisor in Washington DC and he organized a massive sampling in the villages throughout DRC. In the end, he collected 15000 blood samples by trekking through the Congolese jungles. They are going to be processed in Oregon where they hope to track the mutation of existing diseases and identify new viruses that are emerging in the jungles.
He is one of the top scientists in DRC, which has one of the best educated populations in Africa. He was awarded a scholarship from the NIH to be trained as a PhD at UCLA.
Aid
He is critical of aid as it exists today, but believes it is very important nonetheless.
The UN works with whomever the government tells them to work for, and then the clothes or food go to the families and friends of the government workers.
He also talked about how stupidly it is given. Right before he left, he told of visiting a neighboring country and seeing a very expensive piece of diagnostic/science equipment (a flow cytometer) just sitting collecting dust. France had donated it to help in the fight against AIDS, but there were no scientists who knew how to use it. Someone stole it thinking it was a TV, but after being unable to get it to work, he brought it back. The bottom line was if the machine were given to DRC on the other side of the river, it could have actually been used.
His idea is to connect with individual and trustworthy individual Africans who would be faithful in giving aid to those who actually need it. He said when he went out into the villages, that there were naked and hungry people. Most of the aid stays in the cities or goes to greedy politicians. He said he has many trustworthy friends that could be held accountable by being expected to show pictures and stories of children helped and with occasional visits to Africa. I've gotten his email and plan to follow up with that.
Technology
There was definitely a Flat-World moment or two. When he was doing his research, he had a Land Rover that was connected with an antenna to a high-speed modem back in the city. He said he once was in a village 1000km away talking via Skype videophone to Washington DC to get advice on how to proceed in the Congolese rain forest.
He mentioned the cost of Internet was rather low, about a cent a minute. To call the US, it was 40 cents a minute.
Education
He believes education is a major part of getting Africa back on its feet. He said he would help as much as he could, but he just didn't have the money to send everyone to school. A student really wanted to go to university, but couldn't afford it. He said the cost of attendance would be less than $1000 per year and that a degree took 3 to 4 years to complete. There are 2 year masters programs, but no PhD programs.
The thing he wants to achieve to build up the scientific world is collaborations between American and African institutions. Surprisingly to me, there are many Congolese scientists. They know all about what a Western Blot would be, but have no money to do them. There are no resources in DRC for researchers or students, so he proposes an exchange program. Americans could go to Africa to study Malaria as it really is, and Africans could come to America to learn how to use equipment and get trained.
Politics
I asked him what were some of the things that were different about America's culture that he noticed. The first thing he said was, "You are very hardworking."
The second thing he pointed out and admired was our patriotism. He thought our patriotism was important in our success as a country. He said, "Without patriotism, it is the death of that country." He believes that this is a major problem in African politics: the leaders aren't patriotic and don't want their country to be great. Their patriotism can be bought, so they sell their country.
He believes our biggest failing is in our ignorance of the world. "The world is a village," and we have no idea what is going on in it.
"That is what is lacking in Africa: men of principles". He respects America for its principles, or rather the principles of our founders that exist now only as a residual (He told a proverb of using a jar to store chilies, and then even if they are taken out, the jar will still smell of them forever).
Overall
It was a really cool night. I learned so much and got such an improved perspective on the world. I hope to actually collaborate with him and have an impact on Africa instead of just feeling bad.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Christmas Sweater and the Gospel
I was invited to a party last Saturday night. In deciding what to wear, I settled on a kitten Christmas sweater. That is, I decided to wear (over a tan collared shirt), a child's medium sweater that had a large white kitten in the middle surrounded by candy canes and gumdrops. Needless to say, I looked ridiculous.
Why I made such a decision is an entirely different conversation, but the fact remains, I wore a kitten sweater to a party that I expected to be very out of place at.
Normally I go to parties, find someone to talk to, and then get into as deep and philosophical a conversation as I can with that person. I'm normally near the edge of the room and it's normally awkward.
With the kitten sweater, I was popular.
For a nerd like me, being popular was a new and exciting experience. I've been respected (or feared) while in FISH, but by no means was I ever popular. That is, I could tell people to do things, but few people would ever want to spend time with me.
Normally, I could never break into a tight circle of conversing people. During the party, things were different. I simply had to approach the edge of a closed circle, someone would point out the lurking kitten at the periphery, and I'd be in. My attire (which everyone complimented) would be the center of conversation for the group for a few minutes.
The things that I said mattered greatly to the group. One person was discussing Messianic Jews. I said something like "Messianic Jews are lots of fun," and the mostly group (most of whom I'm sure had absolutely no idea what either of those words meant), decided I was right. After a few more minutes, the group of agnostics and Catholics literally wanted to go to a Messianic synagogue. If I'd been on my toes, I think I could have actually gotten a few of them to go. I've never had that kind of influence with people. I normally have a hard enough time getting people who are my friends to go to church with me, let alone semi-intoxicated secular strangers at a party.
Application
I've recently started going to parties and doing evangelism. I would talk with someone, shift the conversation to spiritual matters, and share the Gospel as best I could over the music. This time, I was preaching Christ from a position of (what seemed to be) social authority. I was no longer a social beggar, barely holding on to the few minutes of attention I could steal. I didn't beg for a glace at a flyer or signboard (or worse yet, a 8' sign with "REPENT" on it). People wanted to give me their attention.
Learning the language and dynamics of a culture is essential in effective evangelism. Paul in Athens spoke the language of the Greeks, and made a masterful argument for Christ that was relevant to what Greeks valued: Reason. Today in college, we make our decisions based on what our social leaders are doing. For example, tonight there will be more than 5000 people running through UCLA in their underwear. Why? Because a few people with immense social authority did the same thing a few years ago and told their friends. Why are they running in their underwear and not to Christ? Because Christians do not have any social authority.
Perhaps Christians ought to re-learn the language of those around them to win them for Christ. We continue evangelizing with the outdated language of reason to a culture that no longer understands or cares.
Social authority, like money, is not inherently evil. If the analogy between social capital and capital capital holds, then the parable of the unjust steward applies:
Luke 16:8The master commended the dishonest manager for his shrewdness. For the sons of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than the sons of light.9And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous wealth, so that when it fails they may receive you into the eternal dwellings.
For perhaps the first time, I believe I learned a few words of cool. I intend to continue learning the language and maybe one day, I'll be able to translate the Gospel to so many lost people.
Why I made such a decision is an entirely different conversation, but the fact remains, I wore a kitten sweater to a party that I expected to be very out of place at.
Normally I go to parties, find someone to talk to, and then get into as deep and philosophical a conversation as I can with that person. I'm normally near the edge of the room and it's normally awkward.
With the kitten sweater, I was popular.
For a nerd like me, being popular was a new and exciting experience. I've been respected (or feared) while in FISH, but by no means was I ever popular. That is, I could tell people to do things, but few people would ever want to spend time with me.
Normally, I could never break into a tight circle of conversing people. During the party, things were different. I simply had to approach the edge of a closed circle, someone would point out the lurking kitten at the periphery, and I'd be in. My attire (which everyone complimented) would be the center of conversation for the group for a few minutes.
The things that I said mattered greatly to the group. One person was discussing Messianic Jews. I said something like "Messianic Jews are lots of fun," and the mostly group (most of whom I'm sure had absolutely no idea what either of those words meant), decided I was right. After a few more minutes, the group of agnostics and Catholics literally wanted to go to a Messianic synagogue. If I'd been on my toes, I think I could have actually gotten a few of them to go. I've never had that kind of influence with people. I normally have a hard enough time getting people who are my friends to go to church with me, let alone semi-intoxicated secular strangers at a party.
Application
I've recently started going to parties and doing evangelism. I would talk with someone, shift the conversation to spiritual matters, and share the Gospel as best I could over the music. This time, I was preaching Christ from a position of (what seemed to be) social authority. I was no longer a social beggar, barely holding on to the few minutes of attention I could steal. I didn't beg for a glace at a flyer or signboard (or worse yet, a 8' sign with "REPENT" on it). People wanted to give me their attention.
Learning the language and dynamics of a culture is essential in effective evangelism. Paul in Athens spoke the language of the Greeks, and made a masterful argument for Christ that was relevant to what Greeks valued: Reason. Today in college, we make our decisions based on what our social leaders are doing. For example, tonight there will be more than 5000 people running through UCLA in their underwear. Why? Because a few people with immense social authority did the same thing a few years ago and told their friends. Why are they running in their underwear and not to Christ? Because Christians do not have any social authority.
Perhaps Christians ought to re-learn the language of those around them to win them for Christ. We continue evangelizing with the outdated language of reason to a culture that no longer understands or cares.
Social authority, like money, is not inherently evil. If the analogy between social capital and capital capital holds, then the parable of the unjust steward applies:
Luke 16:8The master commended the dishonest manager for his shrewdness. For the sons of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than the sons of light.9And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous wealth, so that when it fails they may receive you into the eternal dwellings.
For perhaps the first time, I believe I learned a few words of cool. I intend to continue learning the language and maybe one day, I'll be able to translate the Gospel to so many lost people.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Life, Death and God's Sovereignty
God is good. He's been teaching me a lot about His sovereignty recently. That's always a scary topic, and a good one if you're ever feeling prideful.
My dad randomly ended up in the hospital. At first, we didn't know what it was or even if he would make it through the night.
He was the first person I've ever known who truly looked Death in the face and smiled. In consoling a family member, he said, "What's the worst that could happen? What? Disneyland. That's the worst that could happen. I die and go to heaven."
He literally was happy. The weirdest part was that I was happy too. It wasn't the illegitimate put-a-smile-on-to-hide-the-pain while reciting Romans 8:28. It was intense and true joy, unlike any joy I've felt; I was almost crying tears of joy. Amidst others weeping and mourning, Dad and I were rejoicing together in the sovereignty of God. It was surreal.
I got to watch God use this to reach so many people in so many ways. It was really incredible. Who thought an Arterial Vascular Maleformation could be such a good thing?
What a great God!
My dad randomly ended up in the hospital. At first, we didn't know what it was or even if he would make it through the night.
He was the first person I've ever known who truly looked Death in the face and smiled. In consoling a family member, he said, "What's the worst that could happen? What? Disneyland. That's the worst that could happen. I die and go to heaven."
He literally was happy. The weirdest part was that I was happy too. It wasn't the illegitimate put-a-smile-on-to-hide-the-pain while reciting Romans 8:28. It was intense and true joy, unlike any joy I've felt; I was almost crying tears of joy. Amidst others weeping and mourning, Dad and I were rejoicing together in the sovereignty of God. It was surreal.
I got to watch God use this to reach so many people in so many ways. It was really incredible. Who thought an Arterial Vascular Maleformation could be such a good thing?
1I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. 2He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. 3He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.
4Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! 5You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Psalm 40
What a great God!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Women
I don't understand women.
I think this is generally true of men in general, but I'm beginning to really understand that I don't understand.
I like understanding things. I've spent my academic career in taking really really complicated things and making them stupidly simple. You can do this with water treatment, rain runoff, soil foundations, beams... whatever. You can't do this with women.
As an engineer, it's unbelievably frustrating. As a man, it's incomparably exciting. This privilege of discovering Woman is one that will never end. There is no answer, only a continuing journey to better understand and know the beautiful complication.
Maybe God feels the same way about His Church. I'm sure we don't make much sense most of the time, but He loves us as we are.
I think this is generally true of men in general, but I'm beginning to really understand that I don't understand.
I like understanding things. I've spent my academic career in taking really really complicated things and making them stupidly simple. You can do this with water treatment, rain runoff, soil foundations, beams... whatever. You can't do this with women.
As an engineer, it's unbelievably frustrating. As a man, it's incomparably exciting. This privilege of discovering Woman is one that will never end. There is no answer, only a continuing journey to better understand and know the beautiful complication.
Maybe God feels the same way about His Church. I'm sure we don't make much sense most of the time, but He loves us as we are.
All higher knowledge in her presence fallsThe adventure to understand and know Woman is great; it is a noble quest that demands the best of Man. With so little of manliness left today, it is no wonder why so few undertake it with the courage and dignity that it deserves.
Degraded, Wisdom in discourse with her
Looses discount'nanc't, and like folly shewes;
Authority and Reason on her waite,
-Milton - Paradise Lost (Book V lines 551-554)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Stories
I went home this weekend and heard my old pastor speak. He talked how our culture is shifting from rigorous and linear Greek-style thinking to a more relational and mosaic postmodern thinking. This new culture is one that appreciates stories much more than we used to.
http://www.ranchocommunity.org/downloads/ His sermon for 11/10 should be posted soon.
I think I agree. I've been corresponding with a Buddhist and this perspective has greatly helped. In general, people no longer want a rational argument so much as a good story. They don't want to think, they want to feel. They don't want doctrines, they want relationships.
Obviously we cannot compromise the integrity of the Gospel, but the things people want now and aren't getting, are the things Jesus focused on. For a long time, perhaps subliminally, I placed an overly high value on rational apologetics. In evangelism, I forgot how Jesus related most of the time with most people.
Jesus has a very different style. He tells ten parables for every straightforward thing He says. The Bible itself has only a tiny little linear section at the end written by one Greek-ey Jew named Paul. The vast majority of the rest is narrative.
Telling stories is a lot easier than making an argument. In retrospect, it seems nonchristians are a lot more willing to hear a story than they are to bear through an argument (there are clearly exceptions, though).
Tangent
Stories are built into our DNA. We all know a good story and love to hear them. We spend billions of dollars on movies, novels and performing arts. From the Homer to Shakespeare, storytellers have always had a special place in our hearts.
My friend, a screenplay writer, informed me that all movies have the same structure. Aristotle defined the structure a long time ago, and it's just the way stories are told.
I wrote to my friend earlier today about the beautiful sacrifice Abraham (would have) made of his son and I described how great a story it is. I finally realized it: God loves a great story. We are made in His image, and so we love great stories, too. Our love of narrative is in our nature.
So God has written the greatest 5-act play of all.
http://www.ranchocommunity.org/downloads/ His sermon for 11/10 should be posted soon.
I think I agree. I've been corresponding with a Buddhist and this perspective has greatly helped. In general, people no longer want a rational argument so much as a good story. They don't want to think, they want to feel. They don't want doctrines, they want relationships.
Obviously we cannot compromise the integrity of the Gospel, but the things people want now and aren't getting, are the things Jesus focused on. For a long time, perhaps subliminally, I placed an overly high value on rational apologetics. In evangelism, I forgot how Jesus related most of the time with most people.
Jesus has a very different style. He tells ten parables for every straightforward thing He says. The Bible itself has only a tiny little linear section at the end written by one Greek-ey Jew named Paul. The vast majority of the rest is narrative.
Telling stories is a lot easier than making an argument. In retrospect, it seems nonchristians are a lot more willing to hear a story than they are to bear through an argument (there are clearly exceptions, though).
Tangent
Stories are built into our DNA. We all know a good story and love to hear them. We spend billions of dollars on movies, novels and performing arts. From the Homer to Shakespeare, storytellers have always had a special place in our hearts.
My friend, a screenplay writer, informed me that all movies have the same structure. Aristotle defined the structure a long time ago, and it's just the way stories are told.
I wrote to my friend earlier today about the beautiful sacrifice Abraham (would have) made of his son and I described how great a story it is. I finally realized it: God loves a great story. We are made in His image, and so we love great stories, too. Our love of narrative is in our nature.
So God has written the greatest 5-act play of all.
- Exposition - Creation and the Fall (Genesis) - God creates Man perfect, but he falls into sin.
- Rising action - Israel (Old Testament) - God chooses a people to be His, but they fail to live up to His standards again and again
- Climax - Christ (Gospels) - The Messiah comes, lives, dies and resurrects, defeating death and sin.
- Falling action - Church Age (Acts and the Epistles) - Those who trust in Jesus live victoriously in life and hope.
- Dénouement - Armageddon and Eternity (Revelation) - Christ returns to claim His people and judge the sinners.
Monday, November 12, 2007
The Great Outdoors
This is procrastination. Just so you know, I've been writing various essays today about how great I am/how great medical schools are and am sick of writing about it. As a release, I'm going to write about something I like.
I like the outdoors. A couple friends and I decided after our poker game (... no comment on this one) that we would go to Anza-Borrego State Park (It's a huge park in the desert east of Temecula). We saddled up in the Expedition at about 2AM Saturday morning and got on the trail at about 3:30AM.
Before we arrived, I got to test out the four-wheel drive before we got to the trailhead. It was amazing; on 35MPH on dark, twisty, sandy trails with no one in sight or sound at 3AM, windows down, with only the sound of the engine and the violent desert wind. It was so much fun.
Anyways, we started hiking at 3:30AM or so, and realized that there was no moon. We lost the trail after about 5 minutes (or rather, we ignored the trail and went where we wanted to go). We hiked for about an hour in very low light, mostly avoiding the choya (sp? It's a very nasty type of cactus that is nicknamed "the jumping cactus" because of it's tendency to 'jump' onto you from trail sides or 'jump' back and stick you a second time after you pull back from getting stuck). We found the jeep trail we were trying to connect to and made camp at the base of a rocky hill (we don't usually use tents in California, so by 'camp' I mean we threw down a tarp and our sleeping bags).
Once on my back, I looked up at the stars and was almost moved to tears. It was glorious. I've never seen stars like there are in the desert. In LA, you can almost count them, but not in the desert. I really felt like I was in the throne room of God; I saw the stars as I had never seen them before. Talk about proof of a Creator.
We were awakened about two hours later by some Boy Scouts who were getting on the trail just after dawn. I walked around and prayed for a bit before waking up my sleepy companions, and we were of. After going over the first hill, we decided the trail was boring and we picked a mountain to conquer. So we started off the trail.
It was a relatively easy hike, but was sometimes challenging to get past all the vegetation (and the CHOYA!). The desert was surprisingly green and even more alive than it usually is. We even saw some Manzaneta, which definitely didn't belong.
We conquered the mountain and decided it was time for lunch. Once we had eaten, we picked the direction that looked like it would take us back to my car, and we started hiking. Another few hours later, we were back at the car. Another fun trail drive later we were on our way back to civilization by about 1PM.
What's the point? I'm not sure. I had a great time. It was a great hike and reminded me how much I really do need to get outside and conquer stuff (like a pile of dirt and rocks, for example; I struck fear into the hearts of other piles of dirt and rocks with the threat of my boots being atop them!). It was a manly 24 hours that was very refreshing. Kind of like a shower is refreshing for cleanliness, dirt and sore muscles are refreshing for manliness. It was long overdue.
I like the outdoors. A couple friends and I decided after our poker game (... no comment on this one) that we would go to Anza-Borrego State Park (It's a huge park in the desert east of Temecula). We saddled up in the Expedition at about 2AM Saturday morning and got on the trail at about 3:30AM.
Before we arrived, I got to test out the four-wheel drive before we got to the trailhead. It was amazing; on 35MPH on dark, twisty, sandy trails with no one in sight or sound at 3AM, windows down, with only the sound of the engine and the violent desert wind. It was so much fun.
Anyways, we started hiking at 3:30AM or so, and realized that there was no moon. We lost the trail after about 5 minutes (or rather, we ignored the trail and went where we wanted to go). We hiked for about an hour in very low light, mostly avoiding the choya (sp? It's a very nasty type of cactus that is nicknamed "the jumping cactus" because of it's tendency to 'jump' onto you from trail sides or 'jump' back and stick you a second time after you pull back from getting stuck). We found the jeep trail we were trying to connect to and made camp at the base of a rocky hill (we don't usually use tents in California, so by 'camp' I mean we threw down a tarp and our sleeping bags).
Once on my back, I looked up at the stars and was almost moved to tears. It was glorious. I've never seen stars like there are in the desert. In LA, you can almost count them, but not in the desert. I really felt like I was in the throne room of God; I saw the stars as I had never seen them before. Talk about proof of a Creator.
We were awakened about two hours later by some Boy Scouts who were getting on the trail just after dawn. I walked around and prayed for a bit before waking up my sleepy companions, and we were of. After going over the first hill, we decided the trail was boring and we picked a mountain to conquer. So we started off the trail.
It was a relatively easy hike, but was sometimes challenging to get past all the vegetation (and the CHOYA!). The desert was surprisingly green and even more alive than it usually is. We even saw some Manzaneta, which definitely didn't belong.
We conquered the mountain and decided it was time for lunch. Once we had eaten, we picked the direction that looked like it would take us back to my car, and we started hiking. Another few hours later, we were back at the car. Another fun trail drive later we were on our way back to civilization by about 1PM.
What's the point? I'm not sure. I had a great time. It was a great hike and reminded me how much I really do need to get outside and conquer stuff (like a pile of dirt and rocks, for example; I struck fear into the hearts of other piles of dirt and rocks with the threat of my boots being atop them!). It was a manly 24 hours that was very refreshing. Kind of like a shower is refreshing for cleanliness, dirt and sore muscles are refreshing for manliness. It was long overdue.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Ambition + Drive
Today and yesterday I was feeling sick (again). I had a conversation this morning and I complained about the worst part: lack of drive.
My classes are the limit of my thinking. I did not have a 1/2-page margin today filled with business ideas, spiritual revelations and to-do lists. I just listened. I think I learned more than I normally do.
However, I'm working on a project with my church, and I have no ambition to do it. I can think of things to do. Before I would have a pressing drive to do as many as I could as fast as I could, and then to think of new things to do. Today I just drifted, dutifully doing my homework.
I feel subdued. Maybe this is how normal people live all the time. It's like I'm normally awake, looking around in every direction, first at the path in front of me, then thinking about short-cuts and potential cross-country jaunts, afterwards up into the blue sky and distant future, finally taking in the scenery. Then back at the trail. It is a lot easier to do what I did this week: keep your eyes fixed on the trail in front of you and not spend time looking elsewhere.
With this level of ambition as a permanent state, I probably would do what all my peers are going to do: settle into a job and just do what I'm supposed to. I would be something safe and secure, working 8 hours a day and making a good amount of money.
Just three weeks ago I wanted to break out and do something crazy and ambitious, throwing all caution to the wind. This week, I just want to stay comfortable. Today, I am satisfied in doing nothing more than filling out applications and doing my homework. My three-weeks-ago self would be appalled!
Should I fight this feeling of mono-pathy (sort of like a-pathy, but with a single-focused concern)? Should I ever strive to be uncomfortable? Or should I settle down when my body wants to settle down?
I think I'm going to have to opt for the first option. I'll try to do the things I would normally do by nature when I am feeling well. If I don't have ambition, I'll fake it.
I'll just re-read Teddy's admonition (conveniently printed at the top of my blog), hop back into the arena whether I feel like it or not, and get more bloody.
My classes are the limit of my thinking. I did not have a 1/2-page margin today filled with business ideas, spiritual revelations and to-do lists. I just listened. I think I learned more than I normally do.
However, I'm working on a project with my church, and I have no ambition to do it. I can think of things to do. Before I would have a pressing drive to do as many as I could as fast as I could, and then to think of new things to do. Today I just drifted, dutifully doing my homework.
I feel subdued. Maybe this is how normal people live all the time. It's like I'm normally awake, looking around in every direction, first at the path in front of me, then thinking about short-cuts and potential cross-country jaunts, afterwards up into the blue sky and distant future, finally taking in the scenery. Then back at the trail. It is a lot easier to do what I did this week: keep your eyes fixed on the trail in front of you and not spend time looking elsewhere.
With this level of ambition as a permanent state, I probably would do what all my peers are going to do: settle into a job and just do what I'm supposed to. I would be something safe and secure, working 8 hours a day and making a good amount of money.
Just three weeks ago I wanted to break out and do something crazy and ambitious, throwing all caution to the wind. This week, I just want to stay comfortable. Today, I am satisfied in doing nothing more than filling out applications and doing my homework. My three-weeks-ago self would be appalled!
Should I fight this feeling of mono-pathy (sort of like a-pathy, but with a single-focused concern)? Should I ever strive to be uncomfortable? Or should I settle down when my body wants to settle down?
I think I'm going to have to opt for the first option. I'll try to do the things I would normally do by nature when I am feeling well. If I don't have ambition, I'll fake it.
I'll just re-read Teddy's admonition (conveniently printed at the top of my blog), hop back into the arena whether I feel like it or not, and get more bloody.
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