Women

I don't understand women.

I think this is generally true of men in general, but I'm beginning to really understand that I don't understand.

I like understanding things. I've spent my academic career in taking really really complicated things and making them stupidly simple. You can do this with water treatment, rain runoff, soil foundations, beams... whatever. You can't do this with women.

As an engineer, it's unbelievably frustrating. As a man, it's incomparably exciting. This privilege of discovering Woman is one that will never end. There is no answer, only a continuing journey to better understand and know the beautiful complication.

Maybe God feels the same way about His Church. I'm sure we don't make much sense most of the time, but He loves us as we are.

All higher knowledge in her presence falls
Degraded, Wisdom in discourse with her
Looses discount'nanc't, and like folly shewes;
Authority and Reason on her waite,
-Milton - Paradise Lost (Book V lines 551-554)

The adventure to understand and know Woman is great; it is a noble quest that demands the best of Man. With so little of manliness left today, it is no wonder why so few undertake it with the courage and dignity that it deserves.

Stories

I went home this weekend and heard my old pastor speak. He talked how our culture is shifting from rigorous and linear Greek-style thinking to a more relational and mosaic postmodern thinking. This new culture is one that appreciates stories much more than we used to.

http://www.ranchocommunity.org/downloads/ His sermon for 11/10 should be posted soon.

I think I agree. I've been corresponding with a Buddhist and this perspective has greatly helped. In general, people no longer want a rational argument so much as a good story. They don't want to think, they want to feel. They don't want doctrines, they want relationships.

Obviously we cannot compromise the integrity of the Gospel, but the things people want now and aren't getting, are the things Jesus focused on. For a long time, perhaps subliminally, I placed an overly high value on rational apologetics. In evangelism, I forgot how Jesus related most of the time with most people.

Jesus has a very different style. He tells ten parables for every straightforward thing He says. The Bible itself has only a tiny little linear section at the end written by one Greek-ey Jew named Paul. The vast majority of the rest is narrative.

Telling stories is a lot easier than making an argument. In retrospect, it seems nonchristians are a lot more willing to hear a story than they are to bear through an argument (there are clearly exceptions, though).

Tangent
Stories are built into our DNA. We all know a good story and love to hear them. We spend billions of dollars on movies, novels and performing arts. From the Homer to Shakespeare, storytellers have always had a special place in our hearts.

My friend, a screenplay writer, informed me that all movies have the same structure. Aristotle defined the structure a long time ago, and it's just the way stories are told.

I wrote to my friend earlier today about the beautiful sacrifice Abraham (would have) made of his son and I described how great a story it is. I finally realized it: God loves a great story. We are made in His image, and so we love great stories, too. Our love of narrative is in our nature.

So God has written the greatest 5-act play of all.

• Exposition - Creation and the Fall (Genesis) - God creates Man perfect, but he falls into sin.
• Rising action - Israel (Old Testament) - God chooses a people to be His, but they fail to live up to His standards again and again
• Climax - Christ (Gospels) - The Messiah comes, lives, dies and resurrects, defeating death and sin.
• Falling action - Church Age (Acts and the Epistles) - Those who trust in Jesus live victoriously in life and hope.
• Dénouement - Armageddon and Eternity (Revelation) - Christ returns to claim His people and judge the sinners.

Here we see another hint of God embedded into our natures. We can know who God is by this cultural universal, this part of ourselves that crosses across all culture. We know God loves good stories.

The Great Outdoors

This is procrastination. Just so you know, I've been writing various essays today about how great I am/how great medical schools are and am sick of writing about it. As a release, I'm going to write about something I like.

I like the outdoors. A couple friends and I decided after our poker game (... no comment on this one) that we would go to Anza-Borrego State Park (It's a huge park in the desert east of Temecula). We saddled up in the Expedition at about 2AM Saturday morning and got on the trail at about 3:30AM.

Before we arrived, I got to test out the four-wheel drive before we got to the trailhead. It was amazing; on 35MPH on dark, twisty, sandy trails with no one in sight or sound at 3AM, windows down, with only the sound of the engine and the violent desert wind. It was so much fun.

Anyways, we started hiking at 3:30AM or so, and realized that there was no moon. We lost the trail after about 5 minutes (or rather, we ignored the trail and went where we wanted to go). We hiked for about an hour in very low light, mostly avoiding the choya (sp? It's a very nasty type of cactus that is nicknamed "the jumping cactus" because of it's tendency to 'jump' onto you from trail sides or 'jump' back and stick you a second time after you pull back from getting stuck). We found the jeep trail we were trying to connect to and made camp at the base of a rocky hill (we don't usually use tents in California, so by 'camp' I mean we threw down a tarp and our sleeping bags).

Once on my back, I looked up at the stars and was almost moved to tears. It was glorious. I've never seen stars like there are in the desert. In LA, you can almost count them, but not in the desert. I really felt like I was in the throne room of God; I saw the stars as I had never seen them before. Talk about proof of a Creator.

We were awakened about two hours later by some Boy Scouts who were getting on the trail just after dawn. I walked around and prayed for a bit before waking up my sleepy companions, and we were of. After going over the first hill, we decided the trail was boring and we picked a mountain to conquer. So we started off the trail.

It was a relatively easy hike, but was sometimes challenging to get past all the vegetation (and the CHOYA!). The desert was surprisingly green and even more alive than it usually is. We even saw some Manzaneta, which definitely didn't belong.

We conquered the mountain and decided it was time for lunch. Once we had eaten, we picked the direction that looked like it would take us back to my car, and we started hiking. Another few hours later, we were back at the car. Another fun trail drive later we were on our way back to civilization by about 1PM.

What's the point? I'm not sure. I had a great time. It was a great hike and reminded me how much I really do need to get outside and conquer stuff (like a pile of dirt and rocks, for example; I struck fear into the hearts of other piles of dirt and rocks with the threat of my boots being atop them!). It was a manly 24 hours that was very refreshing. Kind of like a shower is refreshing for cleanliness, dirt and sore muscles are refreshing for manliness. It was long overdue.

Ambition + Drive

Today and yesterday I was feeling sick (again). I had a conversation this morning and I complained about the worst part: lack of drive.

My classes are the limit of my thinking. I did not have a 1/2-page margin today filled with business ideas, spiritual revelations and to-do lists. I just listened. I think I learned more than I normally do.

However, I'm working on a project with my church, and I have no ambition to do it. I can think of things to do. Before I would have a pressing drive to do as many as I could as fast as I could, and then to think of new things to do. Today I just drifted, dutifully doing my homework.

I feel subdued. Maybe this is how normal people live all the time. It's like I'm normally awake, looking around in every direction, first at the path in front of me, then thinking about short-cuts and potential cross-country jaunts, afterwards up into the blue sky and distant future, finally taking in the scenery. Then back at the trail. It is a lot easier to do what I did this week: keep your eyes fixed on the trail in front of you and not spend time looking elsewhere.

With this level of ambition as a permanent state, I probably would do what all my peers are going to do: settle into a job and just do what I'm supposed to. I would be something safe and secure, working 8 hours a day and making a good amount of money.

Just three weeks ago I wanted to break out and do something crazy and ambitious, throwing all caution to the wind. This week, I just want to stay comfortable. Today, I am satisfied in doing nothing more than filling out applications and doing my homework. My three-weeks-ago self would be appalled!

Should I fight this feeling of mono-pathy (sort of like a-pathy, but with a single-focused concern)? Should I ever strive to be uncomfortable? Or should I settle down when my body wants to settle down?

I think I'm going to have to opt for the first option. I'll try to do the things I would normally do by nature when I am feeling well. If I don't have ambition, I'll fake it.

I'll just re-read Teddy's admonition (conveniently printed at the top of my blog), hop back into the arena whether I feel like it or not, and get more bloody.

Vanderbilt

I interviewed at Vanderbilt in Tennessee on Monday and I loved it. Pretty much everything about it was amazing. Here are the best things about Vanderbilt.

1. The students are happy. They are really happy. According the surveys, they are the happiest med students in the country. They have parties, they know each other and they even go line dancing together.

2. Extremely flexible program. Vanderbilt has this emphasis program that allows you to study what you want. I would probably look into Global Health or maybe healthcare administration (they have the #1 business school in this field).

3. Location. The South is amazing. Grits are amazing. Sweet potato pancakes are amazing. Sweet tea is amazing. Southerners are amazing (they talk to you and are friendly; I pulled out a map and it wasn't 3 seconds before someone asked if I needed help). Vanderbilt has about a billion trees, and they actually are changing colors! It is beautiful! Tennessee and Nashville are pretty cool too (though their roads are very poorly designed).

The interview itself went great. I just talked about FISH for an hour while the interviewer laughed and smiled. I felt very confident about it. It was a great first interview. I'll have something to cling to when I get torn apart by questions that actually are tough (beyond just "tell stories about FISH").

I've got another one at UCSF which should be much tougher. UCSF is very highly ranked among medical schools even though it doesn't have much reputation outside the medical community.

Meism

I always thought the people at UCLA had a lot in common when it came to beliefs. Last Sunday I started thinking about exactly how much they had in common. It turned out to be a lot.

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A new religion has emerged. Like other religions, it has its priests, dogmas, sacraments, and practices. Unlike other religions however, it does not itself claim to be a religion; its adherents simply believe it is the right the Way.

The focus and center of the religion is the self. That is not to say that the practicioners of this religion are necessarily selfish or at least any more selfish than any other parishioner, but rather that the religion is centered on the self. In a sense, the self is holy or set apart. Christians base their religion on what the Bible says. These people base their religion on themselves; the opinions and beliefs within them are, to them, Truth.

The religion has very much in common with Deism and can even be thought of as a variant of it. Because of its similarity, and because of the focus on the self, I have decided to call the religion “Meism,” and its parishioners “meists.”

Epistemology
Meism holds firmly that “truth is relative.” This statement encompasses certain things (particularly morality and theology), but not other things (e.g. scientific truths). This tenet gives them the ability to “doublethink,” that is, to think two contradictory thoughts and hold both to be true.

Morality
Meism has a strict moral code “Thou shalt not offend another person in any way.” This certainly includes all forms of violence, but also includes things like insults or proselytizing, as these are thought to offend the psyche of a person. They firmly and sometimes militantly believe that any moral dictate placed on them beyond this is itself a violation of the code.

The Good
Meists believe explicitly they must define their own purpose in life. Nevertheless, in reality they believe that environmentalism, medicine, multiculturalism, and altruism are all part of the Good. Environmentalism and medicine are probably valued because of their eschatology. Multiculturalism serves as a kind of evangelism, and is consistent with their moral maxim. Altruism is valued, though there seems to be no motivation from other doctrines; perhaps it is an emotional inheritance from Christianity.

Physicalism
Meists are physicalists and believe that the only existing thing is matter. They disbelieve in souls, and so strongly reject Dualism. Some Meists bend this doctrine to give God a non-material nature.

Eschatology
Meists do not seriously believe in any supernatural place for themselves. Their hope for themselves is as close to eternal life as they can get with medicine. Many will also try to do something “to be remembered” and so live on through that. The destiny of the race is thus also material, making the preservation of the earth and her species of utmost importance.

Rewards and Punishments
There is no clear sense of cosmic reward or judgement in Meism. In many Meists may believe in what they call “karma,” a sense of good things happening to good people. In many there is also an ill-defined sense of altruism being good, though with no philosophical support or adequate rewards system, it is rarely practiced.

Cosmology
Essentially Deist, Meism holds that a transcendent creator caused the Big Bang but then has remained uninvolved in it. Modernist views of evolutionary development have proceeded.

Theology
Meism believes in a powerful, intelligent and transcendent Force as its Deity. It claims that knowledge of God more specific that is not just unknown, but unknowable (i.e. it cannot be known if God is personal, immanent, etc.). Meists do not accept or consider evidence or argument that suggests more could be known of God.

Sacred
The two things that are holy to Meism are Science and Self. Meists believe science it is set apart and unassailable by profane things. The Self, and specifically beliefs about Meism, are considered Most Holy. They cannot be challenged, even by Science. Challenges to Meism are avoided; Meists will doublethink that the challenge is actually not a challenge (e.g. if someone were to challenge with “Jesus is God” a Meist would reply “That’s true for you”).

Clergy
Meists treat scientists as priests; their words are held as truth. In non-scientific realms (e.g. environmental policy, abortion legality), their opinions are extremely important, if not all-important.

Self Identification
Meism holds that it is a non-entity, that is, Meism does not believe there is any such thing as Meism. Meists hold that their doctrine is the Truth, and those that disagree with it are ‘close-minded.’

Laryngitis

I'm back. After long abandonment of my poor blog, I have returned!

Perhaps this need for expression is overwhelming as I have not been able to talk (Doctor's orders: Laryngitis). Maybe it's because everyone's doing it. Maybe I've been inspired by someone's example. Maybe it's because I'm procrastinating right now.

Whatever the reason. Here is one post. In the next post, I will briefly reflect what I've learned from a day without talking:

Have you ever not talked for an entire day? I hadn't either before today. It's really hard. Really hard. I bought a mini white board and have been writing notes like "HIS NAME IS JOHN" or "3 item: orange chicken, black pepper chicken, kung Pao."

The main lesson I think God has been attempting to drive into my thick skull is that 1. SLOW DOWN. 2. I should listen more 3. I should talk to God more. 4. Don't waste words.

1. I have been going very fast and doing too much. I need to slow down, and not being able to talk has facilitated that. I can't do everything I planned to do, and I'm liking it. It's very peaceful.

2. Not being able to talk at all forces me to listen to people a lot more.

3. Out of a need to talk with someone, I have been forced to communicate with God, the only one who can actually hear my thoughts. It has been refreshing spending time with God. He always has to do things like that to me.

4. I waste a lot of words. There is so much stupid stuff I think about saying, but the investment of writing it down on a whiteboard really dissuades me from "saying" it. Pro 17:27a "He that hath knowledge spareth his words..." I must have tons of knowledge today! Although I have even resorted to wasting whiteboard words. And probably blog words. So much for knowledge...

Overall, Laryngitis has been a largely positive experience, though not one I'd like to share with my friends.