Venipuncture and the Essence of Love – Conclusion

Synthesis

Perhaps the two definitions are not different. Maybe we just are bad judges at what ‘benefit’ is. Indeed, our modern working definitions of ‘relationship’ seem to give us an average of one year of pleasure before it’s used up and we need to move on (slightly longer in ‘marriage’).

Is it really “more blessed to give than to receive”? That is, are we happier when we give to others, or when we get? In a materialistic world, this statement is sheer insanity. Anyone who has truly given something knows the truth of this statement. Even Derek Zoolander knows this is true, “The other day I was thinking about volunteering to help teach underprivileged children to learn how to read. And just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had.”

Maybe the best marriage is one around giving. And that means that it doesn’t matter what the other person is doing. If either party is getting more pleasure out of giving than getting, their happiness is independent of the other person. If you get when you give, and you get when you get (instead of just getting when you get), there is no reason not to give. It’s like an easy game theory problem:

On Sacrifice Theory

	(Husband) Give	(Husband) Don’t Give
(Wife) Give	+2/+2	0/+1
(Wife) Don’t Give	+1/0	0/0

On Benefit Theory

	(Husband) Give	(Husband) Don’t Give
(Wife) Give	+1/+1	+1/-1
(Wife) Don’t Give	-1/+1	-1/-1

The jump from this situation to a political system is not that long. An employer and employee:

	(Employer) Pay Well	(Employer) Don’t Pay Well
(Employee) Work Hard	+2/+2	0/+1
(Employee) Don’t Work Hard	+1/0	0/0

Why doesn’t this happen in relationship or the workplace? Because we’re operating under the benefit theory. We think the way we get happiness is getting stuff. Like trying to drive a car on the highway in reverse, we’re doing it wrong. The car has nothing wrong with it; there is just ignorance that can easily be repaired with knowledge.

Conclusion

Jesus says, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” This, if it requires anything, requires sacrifice. When asked to expound on this, Jesus tells the parable of the Good Samaritan. The Samaritan finds a Jew robbed and beaten, and gives him oil and wine, lets him ride on his own donkey, and then pays for his stay at a first-century hospital (the inn). This is a story of sacrifice. Sacrifice is the essence of love.

If this is true, then we should seek to love and make love abound in every aspect of life. It seems to me that God has arranged the world to permit us to sacrifice for each other. I think that we should order our relationships, our careers and our society after the same pattern. If the essence of love is sacrifice, then we have a lot of work to do in our own lives and in the world.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4